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K [userpic]

I voted.

November 4th, 2008 (11:29 am)

I just about had a freaking panic attack when I got to the high school, there was a HUGE line that didn't seem to be moving, but it looked like they just hadn't opened up the doors on time; it was a good day to have a last name that started with L, because the H-L line was about four people long, and I'm glad that Robb and I haven't gotten married yet, because the C-G line was about 50 people long. Seriously, mooshing D in with any other letter where there are as many french-canadians as there are here? Bad planning.

Someone behind me was having a spaz attack because Essex only had about a dozen of the little curtained booths, so the actual voting line was moving slowly; they set up three long tables with pens, didn't say anything about it; clearly, if you didn't mind voting where people could see, you could fill out your ballot there, and if you wanted to wait for a little curtain, you could do that too. No one asked you to go to a table, it was just there. Some guy was all "Is that legal?" and "Can they do that?" Meanwhile, I grabbed a pen at the earliest possible opportunity.

I voted about as those who know me would expect, except that, as I discussed with Adam last week, I went prog for gov; I just couldn't make myself vote for That Woman. Not in the same year that I was voting for as eloquent a speaker as That One.

I wanted to bring Lucy with me, like a lot of people who brought their kids, to be able to tell her that she was a part of what I hope starts for the whole world today, but she'll have to be satisfied with being at the party tonight. PS, Silver-folk? neither Robb not I got the email that was sent. We are sad and lonely. :) We'll be there anyway, but if there were any details we needed to know about, please resend. Thanks!

K [userpic]

Take two

October 23rd, 2008 (12:25 pm)

I know why I'm in this miserable place, but I don't know how to fix it. Rather, I know how (technically) to fix it, but not how to (actually) fix it.

I am drinking too much coffee, sleeping too little, trying to get too much done, driving myself to guilty distraction about what I'm NOT getting done, even feeling guilty about what I AM getting done because it is Not Enough. I am letting the lack of daylight eat me up, and it's only October. How do you get outside and get more sunlight when there is no time that is light and you're not at work?

So excuse me, please, if I'm being more anti-social than usual. I'm trying, I really am, but this brain-soup is getting the best of me just now.

K [userpic]

Surprise -- Guess who's cranky!

October 22nd, 2008 (01:25 pm)

I need a cranky icon.

I have emo icons and happy icons and bouncy icons and sexy icons, but no cranky icons. I'm cranky too often to not have a cranky icon.

I was going to complain more, but I'm too tired and cranky. So that is, apparently, all.

K [userpic]

I get it now.

October 17th, 2008 (09:17 am)
Tags:

It always used to piss me off when women would speak about their families in the royal we. "we're" teething, "we're" pregnant, "we're having a rough day." It seemed like what they meant was "the baby is teething", "I'm pregnant," and "I'm going to make your life hell because I'm cranky."

I get it now.

The last two days, Lucy has screamed approximately 50% of the time she's been awake. I'm not talking her usual warbling "Hey, you, come get me." I'm talking full-throated howls. The cause? Two top teeth that are so swollen that I wish I could just take a scalpel to them to help her out.

It's not just Lucy who's teething. It's all of us. She's not sleeping; I don't sleep. She's not relaxing; Robb doesn't relax. And it's bizarre; she's playing, she's happy, then suddenly she's throwing a back arching, sweaty, scream down the house fit. And then, in a heartbeat, it's okay again.

To quote J's A -- "wha tha he-yll?"

So, bioDad, we clearly may not make church on Sunday if there isn't a reasonable chance of her holding herself together for the time being. Or we may go and just hang down in the nursery...that's a distinct possibility now that I'm thinking about it. We'll keep you posted.

I want teething to be done now, kthxbai. She has to get twenty of these things, right? Or something like that? Ugh.

Srsly.

And Starbucks, thx for coffee, but it was too early for me to deal with a rabid Tampa Bay fan. Handle that for me next time, wouldja? Thx.

K [userpic]

Baby thoughts

October 13th, 2008 (10:24 am)
cheerful

current location: work
current mood: cheerful
current song: blah blah blah

Random collection of interesting thoughts.

This post-baby-body thing is treating me well. I try to avoid thinking of my weight in numbers (although, much to my dismay, the fact that I had to pay attention to my weight at the end of my pregnancy means that I'm having to completely recondition myself to ignore the scale numbers and pay attention to other indicators), and more in terms of size. I have been slowly and consistently putting on weight since I graduated college -- really, since I came back from London. I think J will agree that the first ten pounds after I got back were pretty fucking necessary -- seriously, I ran out of money a month before I got back, it wasn't very pretty -- but since then, I didn't really feel I *needed* to put on weight like I did my senior year. At that time, I wore an 8 or a 6, depending on the manufacturer of the jeans in question. Since then, there has been a steady increase, until the 12s that I needed when I got pregnant. That was upsetting to me, but I was trying to handle it, working out and trying to watch what I ate, but I was just maintaining, not losing anything.

And then, today, I put on the slim-fit size 10 Ann Taylor cords that I was wearing the night Robb sang Folsom Prison Blues and we danced to Jana singing "Are You Gonna Be My Girl" and I almost kissed him (typed *almost missed him* the first time). They fit comfortably, possibly more comfortably than they did that night. Weird. I guess the weight is still there, but redistributed? Upward, clearly. Sigh.

Also, these C cups are not all they're cracked up to be. Can I have my little boobs back, kthx.

I'm entertained by how my priorities have been rearranged, completely without my acknowledgment or acceptance. There is a serious possibility of me being in moderately serious trouble at work because of the time I was out last week with Lucy. I really don't care. People all around me are trying to get me all fired up about how unjust work is being, but they're not. They're in line with the policy that I signed off on, and Vermont is an at-will state, anyway -- they could fire me for just about anything, as long as it's not a discriminatory reason. This wouldn't be (and I don't think they will anyway). But even if they do... my brain is all "whatevs." There's nothing I could have done differently, so why stress? I'll handle it as it comes.

I need to clean more. I spent most of yesterday afternoon cleaning, and our bedroom and Lucy's room are finally 90% free of clean clothes scattered all over the floor. I also found the source of The Smell (ew) and it has been disposed of. I need a new bathrobe. (ew). I also need to figure out some way to get Lucy into a back-carry wrap; the wrap I have just doesn't work for that. I'm not sure if the sling will, and if that doesn't, I'll see if I can get a just-plain-piece of fabric to work, all African style, because I'd really prefer not to spring for yet another carrier. Unless I can get Robb to try on the Ergo, and he feels he'd be able to carry Lu in that...then it would be worthwhile, because I don't think he'd use the Moby or the Maya.

And finally random comment for the day. I was such a freaking hippie last night, I had to laugh at myself. I was cooking dinner, Lucy was cranky and wanting to be held, and nursed, but dinner was not at the boil-and-leave it stage...finally, I popped her into the ring sling, pulled out a boob, and she went to town while I kept cooking dinner.

I'm such a fricking hippie. :)

K [userpic]

It is no longer possible to ignore

October 5th, 2008 (04:01 pm)
current song: castaway

the connection between my allergies and refined sugar.

This sucks.

But is still better than admitting that I should eat less milk and cheese.

Just saying.

K [userpic]

Sigh. I'm such a goon.

October 4th, 2008 (08:28 pm)
cheerful

current location: couch, home
current mood: cheerful
current song: Walk Like An Egyptian

For a rather ridiculous amount of time, I've tried to decide. Should I write the book about the sisters, or the book about the vampire hunters?

And suddenly, it occurred to me. The vampire hunters are sisters. Like, duh.

Sometimes I worry me.

I'm being purposely silly to get over a very small slight this afternoon that has me flustered and frustrated. You telling me silly things will help this.

Also, if you aren't Ellen or Douglas, you didn't tell me your address, which will make it difficult for me to invite you to the wedding. I mean, I can probably guess your addr with the help of whitepages.com, but please make my life easier. Thanks! :)

K [userpic]

I drank too much caffeine today

October 3rd, 2008 (03:46 pm)
current location: watering hole

I can tell because it feels like my skin is kind of trembly. Like I've been working out all day, without the convenient exhaustion or the helpful weight loss.

It's kind of annoying, actually.

It has been a good week on the personal front. I'm kind of accepting that the feminists are full of shit and the "you can have it all" lie is a front put out by some woman-hating asswipe who enjoys watching girls in their 20-somethings get depressed, but I'm making peace with the idea that I can have it all...just not all at once. Reorganizing priorities, letting go of the silliness that matters to other peoples' perception of me, and less to me-myself, and concentrating on what's important. Lucy. Robb. Me. The world in my head.

The things that matter.

Not sure where the story that I'm working is going, if anywhere. It might be that this is just a trial piece, a way to get back into that mindset, that brain. That place where I sit on the couch for an hour a day (minimum) and write. Put my fingers on the keyboard and press the buttons in a logical order until I'm painting a word-picture of where I am.

I'll get there, eventually. One of these days, I'll be able to quit my job, work less, do this more. In the meantime, I have to keep in practice, bank the fire, do as much as I can. I'll get there, I will succeed.

Meantime, the effort is worth quite a lot.

The other reason this week has been beyond belief is that Luke sent me a message the other day, and we straightened out a difficulty that has plagued our relationship since...well, since that very first summer, and everything that happened right after. We've been chatting all week, and it's been fantastic. Ludicrously wonderful. Beautiful. Like having my brother back.

A good, good, GREAT week.

K [userpic]

P.S.

October 3rd, 2008 (11:57 am)

Check it out.

http://ellen.warnerbros.com/2008/10/breaking_news.php

K [userpic]

Also:

October 1st, 2008 (09:18 am)

You should read this.

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/10/01/business/economy/01leonhardt.html?th&emc=th#

And I'm starting to feel like I should start a twitter feed, with all this short nonsense posting. Sigh.